Spaces of Grief: Chapter 5 (Conversations from 2016-2017)
S: Don’t worry about losing your memory of what you’ve loved and lost. You’ll see shades of them in you for years to come. In the songs you love, the food you cook, your blouse sleeve-preference, the way you sign your name, what parts of holidays are your favourite and least favourite, what you value in friends and colleagues and yourself, they’ll be right there. Also, to not idolize the person you’ve lost.
K: Loss comes to us in many shapes and sizes in our life. Each one will feel unique and new, almost like we haven’t felt anything like this before- be it the loss of your favourite book, a break up, changing schools or a job, a loss of a pet, a loss of a really important person or the changes you see in yourself over time (like leaving pieces of yourself behind). One feels alone and has lots of emotions that we can't quite put a finger on, and that’s ok.
So you could feel low: sad, angry and anxious… You could also feel mixed: like sad and relieved… You could also feel nothing…
When you share your grief, ask yourself if the person opposite is your friend and cares for you. This will make you feel comfortable talking to them.
S: It’s hard to not get frustrated when others tell you that the people you love always stay with you, especially when the hurt feels fresh and so real. What they might mean is…
“You will hear their voices inside you when you feel alone.”
“You can remember them through the things you keep of them.”
“They live in the way you live life.”
“They live in books, saris, letters, songs.”
K: “What they felt for you and what you feel for them will never go away.”
“People will see them in your smile, the way you talk or dress.”
“People will tell you stories about them.”
“You will continue to represent them in your own way.” (Talk about them, create songs, poetry, start a company, cook their signature recipes, take care of what they leave behind… !)
K: Where are you on your journey with loss?
S: On it. I think about death more often now, without the crippling, spiralling fear but instead as something that provides perspective on my life and the way I’m living it.
I often ask myself “if I were to find out I was dying soon, what about my life today would I possibly regret?”; and if it’s something I can change (which it usually is), I do.
When I think about my own death it’s less about mortality and anything existential, and mostly wondering who’d cry the most, who’d miss me the most, what people's lives would look like, who’d come to my funeral.. Haha!
I think about the things we accumulate in our lives, and how often the burden to sort them out (paperwork, clothes, money), so much of it falls on people left behind during the worst days of their own grief. I wish there was a way to make it easier…
K: It’s a relationship more than a particular point in a journey. There are ebbs and flows. Loss feels like a living part of me. Over the years, I feel like I have seen my relationship evolve from deep fear to empathy, but I also know it depends on every situation. Sometimes I feel like I am at the starting line, or at the midway point, or can see the finish line but don’t quite want to go there…
We have so many instances of loss since we’re born-from losing a favourite toy, relationship, job, home, identity and the hardest one: the loss of living beings that we love so deeply. On one hand it’s logical, and yet so deeply unique and new every time. No loss is the same, and this creates room to keep learning, connecting and finding meaning in oneself and our little life in the expanse that we live in.
While talking about loss and death can feel scary and even wrong, I have learnt that these conversations require us to choose our words and presence with intentionality. Over time, the practice of it allows us to be vulnerable and hold space for others with ease. It’s like driving a car. When you do it for the first time, you are aware of every aspect of it. Over time, you have an ingrained and responsible sense-making experience with it where it becomes second nature.
Less thinking, more being.
Join us for a year of curated spaces to explore loss, grief & meaning more deeply (via live virtual sessions or self-async paced workshops). Workshops will be held virtually on weekends for an intimate group of <20 at a time, once a month between January- December 2026. (Sliding scale & 2 sponsored slots offered).
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